Park Bench

and we're here again, me wanting you so badly. I find that now a days all that eases my restless mind is a cup of joe and an occasional smoke. I admit it, it is you that puts me on edge, you're the reason for my endless train of thoughts and for the worry line on my forehead. I'd love nothing more than to say that loving you is easy, but in reality it is anything but that. For I can give all that I have inside and out and you will forever leave me empty handed. You could watch me cry alone in the rain and not even budge. I'd be lying if I told you I didn't long for those pretentious romance novel moments where her lover grasps her from behind and tells her he loves her. Sadly all I receive is nothing, instead of leaving and holding on to the little piece of dignity I have left, I come to you; crying, wanting some form of caressing. This happens more often than it should. Each time you pour out words I never thought I'd hear you say, and every moment replays itself. With you saying "it's over" and leaving me without a reason. I'm left there frozen solid, what can I say? I'm starting to believe you do this so you can be with another person for one night, then as always apologize and say "it'll never happen again". I just want your embrace in that moment where I feel so alone, where you leave me so sudden. I can wish all I want but I know it will never get better, and even then I still come back to you. I am alone crying over you. Just like two days ago, at the park you simply said "It's done" and left without explanation, I've become so immune to it that I don't even move, not even a shiver. This time around at least I had a beautiful view of the lake's water. But in it I saw my reflection, loneliness. I didn't quite understand how someone who had a lover could be so lonesome, but I know it all too well now. You've said your goodbyes an infinite amount of times and I can almost recite them. In that park I realized that maybe I give too much, maybe I made you this way. Either way I'm sitting on this park bench again and I'm wondering where it went wrong, why I am alone. The train of thoughts begin to unwind and take control of my head. In the midst of it all I had failed to realize the swan in the lake, or the tiniest frogs by the rocks, or even the way the wind hugged each tree branch, maybe I wished to share this view with you along side me. I know it won't happen. That's alright, you'll come around. But with the birds I'll share this lonely view.